We like to think we have it made, in New Zealand,
when we ring our internet company and speak to a customer service representative based in Mumbai who can sort out all our internet woes.
Yesterday I signed up with ‘WE’, one of the major internet service providers in Egypt. It was simple matter of turning up at the store - which looked like a WINZ waiting room - taking a number, which flashed up on a screen with a corresponding monotone that periodically blurted out said number, and a person would creak out of their chair and shuffle toward a vacant booth and smiling customer service attendee.
On this day, my friend Amr was my interpreter (again) and we sat together waiting our turn, while people smoked and two guys on a ladder were fiddling with something in the ceiling.
There was an orange extension cord on the ground and multiple other hazards such as ceiling tiles falling every now and again from above where the workmen were trying to install themselves into the small space above them (and everyone else). Amongst this chaos a small child, barely walking, was toddling around drunkedly while the mother was engrossed in her phone, glancing up periodically.
The monotone voice remained stoic in calling out customer numbers, and the room grew smaller in people. It seems we had come at a busy time, but our number was called and Amr babbled away with poetic rapidity, seemingly hooking me up to the greatness of Yellowstone once again (assuming I could access Neon from Egypt). To get a modem, plus 250 gigs a month, it would cost me $60 all up. After that $12.50 a month for the internet and I could take the modem with me when I moved apartments in June. Egypt doesn’t have fibre yet, so we will see how it goes, I thought. I paid the man in cash as my debit card would not work, (cash is way more normal here than eftpos), and had a quiet giggle to myself as he pulled some change out of a desk draw scattered full with different Egyptian notes. I guess it somehow balances up at the end of the day.
Amr pointed out the ceiling swallowing the body of the guy highest on the rickety ladder - even he was amused at the ‘health and safety’ (he was an electrical engineer so had a few clues about this stuff), and gestured to me that we go and wait outside while the modern receipt was printed ( we had been told to take a number again), so we could collect it from somewhere else in the room.
Out on busy Street 9, the world was rushing by. Vendors walked by with stacks of bananas somehow strapped to bicycles; a lady was selling knock-off Calvin Klein bags and really ugly slippers; across the road a rug store with its wares displayed to the dusty street, was also collecting the neighbourhood dogs who decided it was the best spot to sit, and a guy selling fresh Egyptian bread had his piles of the warm soft deliciousness displayed on a rusty looking metal rack - also open to the dust and grime of the passing traffic, pollution, and goodness knows what else.
Ahhhh … Egypt, you beautiful thing.
Back inside ‘WE’ the power had suddenly gone out - customer service reps sat with folded arms behind dim screens in an even dimmer room, whilst the roof danglers continued on. No internet for the internet shop - not even any power.
We decided to go to another ‘WE’ store on the other side of Maadi - who knew how long a power outage was going to be - to pick up the modem. We had no time to sit and navel-gaze at ‘WE’; none the less, people sat and did just that.
Once home the modem was ‘hard wired’ into place and plugged in for that joyous moment. And …..presto!
Nothing.
Ah well; Amr suggested it could take a couple of hours and it will be on by morning. ‘DON’T turn it off!’ He barked - “yes Dad” I responded. He understood the irony.
Morning came and I got myself ready for work all the while thinking how I would watch Yellowstone when I got back, glancing enthusiastically at my modem! And ….
Nothing.
Still no internet.
Ah well, I thought; its bound to be on by the time I get back from work and the Cairo festival Mall (remembering I had a major shopping trip I needed to undertake). I got home at 7.30 pm grappling with four big bags of crap, so looking forward to disgorging myself of the paraphernalia I was amassing for my new abode, and I so looked forward to sitting down and putting my feet up for a dose of Rip and Kevin. And ….
Nothing. I looked at the wires twisted around each other and willed them into life. I also made a mental note not to touch them given there was no insulation around the exposed copper.
Ah, Egypt! You crazy, beautiful place.
Ah well, there’s always tomorrow I guess.