I need a place to find some space.
I never imagined I would be having to find another job and home in a different location, after moving to Dunedin two years ago, to live. I loved being in Dunedin; last year three of my four children were there; I enjoyed my job at one of the many high schools in the city and I was beginning to develop some good friends and an active out-of-school life. I loved the house I lived in which had expansive views across the harbour to the Otago Peninsula, offering the most gorgeous sunrises many of the mornings I awoke in that house.
Until I moved away at the start of this year, I did not realise how vitally important that view was for my well-being. I now live in a small two bedroomed flat (the size actually is far better for me), with an expansive view of my neighbours corrugated iron fence. Occasionally I get to see my future students ride their bikes down the road whilst looking out the kitchen window and if I am super lucky I may catch a glimpse of some colour from behind the hills at sunset which I can just see out the other side of my kitchen.
It sure is different.
I am living in rural South Canterbury in a typical farming community ‘hub’ town. It is also quite a tourist spot as it is on the main road to Mount Cook. It has the best pies anywhere.
Yes - Its Fairlie; fairly good, fairly friendly, fairly unassuming … fairly land-locked too.
An inversion layer begins to sneak through the valley towards the aquamarine Lake Tekapo.
I have to go chasing my view.
I never saw my neighbours homes, when living in my last house - my view was directed completely towards the water. It was an effortless view; one you could sit and drink in all day. Since moving to Fairlie, I have driven somewhere nearly everyday in search of a view - mostly I drive to Tekapo, to the water. It is the water that calls me; the water and the mountains.
Today I walked and felt so grateful to have access to such a stunning area.
Walking has a way of being therapeutic; during a walk, things are sorted out; solutions are arrived at; the world is again (even if just momentarily), a better place. So things did not seem quite so bad right then. As I walked, I looked at what I was surrounded by and rationalised that my working life as a teacher this year would be so dominated by school, that I would be too busy to worry about missing my harbour view. Instead, I will need to make time for chasing my view; I will need to prioritise time for myself and for breathing in what is important to me - finding a space in between the chaos and stress of teaching; finding somewhere that offers expansive solace away from the enclosed environment of small rural town New Zealand.
Someone said this town will grow on me, and I am sure it will, but I also think it is extremely important to recognise and trust in what we know to be best for ourselves - this is a crucial aspect in being happy and also in living authentically as who we are. There is no shame in saying something is just not quite right and I am getting too old to pretend everything is.
For now, I will chase my special spaces and explore the region with an open mind.
I will treasure these spaces in between.
“Honour the space between no longer and not yet”
Nancy Levin